Oh hello! I'm still here!

Oh, hello friends!

It's been a hot second since I've updated this blog, no? Over the past year - okay, that's an embarrassingly long time - I've had so many brainstorms for posts. Evidently, I have a lot to say!

 

But I could never find a moment to spare to actually write the ideas down.

 

Because all I seem to do these days is WORK.

 

After a year off, I returned to my profession in September and became completely fixated on how to progress in the field. Being hyper-focused has produced results: I was promoted from within the organization and am now engaging in therapeutic work that I've always dreamed of doing. I completed my clinical hours and will likely have a higher licensure before the end of the year. I was accepted to a fellowship program at the University of Chicago for this year. And I've made quite a dent in my student loans. Take that, Navient! Or Sallie Mae. Or whatever the hell you're calling yourself these days (sidenote: why do student loan lenders think changing their name matters? If you're taking my hard earned money to line a CEO's pockets, I don't care what you call yourself. I still hate you. Okay, end rant). As I'm typing the words onto this page, I'm only beginning to realize how much I've accomplished in the past year. It's no wonder that my parents, especially my dad, kept telling me to slow down . . .

 

No matter the achievement, it never seemed like enough. I would cross off one task on my to-do list, and instead of basking in the moment, I would add another three goals and start the hustle all over again. And in the process of incessantly considering the next move to make, I was missing all the warning signs that I wasn't taking care of myself: not sleeping enough. Missing my sister's phone calls. Consuming mini M&Ms at an alarming rate.

The wake up call was a run in with Cute Neighbor. Have I told you about Cute Neighbor? He is cute, and he is my neighbor, hence the nickname Cute Neighbor.

 

(I do not call him that to his face.)

 

Anyway. I was coming home after yet another 15 hour work day (I just spent five minutes calculating and recalculating how long my average work day was, because that number is ridiculous), and Cute Neighbor happened to be heading to the laundry room. He took a look at me and said, "Oh, are you coming home from a trip?"

 

I looked down at my hands, which were filled with bags. Like my beautiful momma, I am notorious for carrying a purse that is the size of a suitcase. Another bag was filled with clinical paperwork and diagnostic manuals for my full time job. My enormous backpack was brimming with tutoring materials. And I was carrying containers from lunch AND dinner.  

 

In my embarrassment, all I could do is shake my head and say, "No, these are all the things I  need for both jobs." Then I scurried into my apartment, locked the door, and wished that a dinosaur would eat me, thus saving me from the humiliation I had just experienced. I couldn't believe he thought I had been out of town! Was I really never home? Did I really have that much stuff with me?

 

Um, yes and yes.

 

This past summer, I slowed WAY down. I gave myself permission to ease into my new role rather than hitting the ground running, and I turned down tutoring assignments. Instead, I went to the library and found books that I would read every night before I went to bed. I finished making a tshirt quilt that I started over a year ago. I did a Segway tour with my family. I introduced friends to my favorite hot and sour soup. I went salsa dancing!

 

And it was fabulous. 

 

So here I am again. I've come a long way. And even though there is so much left to do - studying for my licensure exam, applying for adjunct faculty positions, researching PhD programs, paying off my loans, buying a home - I'm going to pause every so often to indulge myself. Because I deserve it.

 

So hello again. Sorry I've been a stranger. And thanks for sticking around.

Much love,
Kavi