Me-OW! and the Exception: Part 2

In Part 1, I shared my thoughts on "the catty girl." If you're put off by the length of that post, here is a brief outline of what I have covered thus far:

* Cattiness is bad.

* So are Chewy Chips Ahoy Chocolate Chip Cookies.

Moving on.

One of my favorite teachers said that there is always an exception to the rule. Granted, he was explaining principles of chemistry, but I've realized it actually applies to life as a whole. According to Part 1, the rule states that cattiness is mean, selfish, gives you bad karma, and doesn't really work. Therefore, you should not be catty. 

But Mr. Kelly always said that there is always an exception to the rule. 

So what is the exception?

The exception, my friends, is "The Bachelor" franchise.

I say this with only the slightest smidge of shame: I flippin' LOVE "The Bachelor." I even write down "watch the Bachelor" in my planner when a new episode airs. Apparently, I have borderline obsessive compulsive tendencies.

It started innocently enough. One of my high school classmates was a contestant during Jillian's season of "The Bachelorette," and I wanted to see how far he would go in the competition. So I watched the season until he was eliminated. Simple enough.

But that was before the age of social media, which has transformed how viewers watch the show. Now you have Reality Steve, who posts the most accurate spoilers before the season even airs. Home boy has really well placed sources, man. Jennifer Weiner, best selling author and fiery feminist, live tweets every episode, and her commentary is laugh-out-loud funny. Jason and Molly Mesnick, former lead and contestant, recap each episode via a weekly podcast. As past participants of the franchise, they have a unique - and often disturbing - perspective on production.

And you have bloggers that mock the franchise mercilessly. How I love these bloggers. Frankly speaking, the show in itself is completely mediocre. But the entertainment value grows exponentially when noting how absurd the individuals who partake in this train wreck of reality television are. My favorite blogger is Drew Hoolhorst, but he is not recapping the current season of "The Bachelorette" (see his posts about previous seasons here and here). So instead, I have been reading Sheaffer at Pinterest Told Me To and Sharleen (another former contestant) at All the Pretty Pandas. Thanks to social media, "The Bachelor" franchise has evolved from a simple reality dating program to an experience.

So why is this television series the exception to the rule? Because the premise of the show is having 25 contestants willingly sign a contract that states they will compete for the "love" of a complete stranger that is allowed to blatantly cheat on them with two dozen other people: a good beginning for a healthy and lasting relationship. Because the contestants bicker about one another less maturely than junior high students while professing their undying affection for the stranger, whom they have gotten to know through a haze of alcohol. Because after two months - a very long time - the stranger will give a large cushion cut diamond ring to the winning contestant; they will barely see each other for the next four months. After 12 years and 28 seasons, "The Bachelor" franchise has produced only 3 marriages. You have better odds of surviving "The Hunger Games" than finding lasting love on "The Bachelor." This hot mess practically warrants cattiness.

It is okay to be catty about "The Bachelor," because not only is it preposterous, it is not real. Consider this: logically, contestants for a reality dating show should be chosen based on how likely a match they would be for the lead. But production on "The Bachelor" casts all contestants before they even decide on the lead. Editing allows for "frakenbiting," where production splices different words to create a new sentence that was never said. The ultimate example of how the show is manipulated? Production is aware of who the lead will choose as the winner of the competition. So they "warn" the winner about being sent home while getting the runner up excited about an engagement, thus producing more emotional reactions during the final rose ceremony. If, after reading all of this inside information about the show,  you still agree to compete on "The Bachelor" or "The Bachelorette," you are FAIR GAME for my snark. You have been warned.

I began watching the show because I vaguely knew a contestant, and I still watch because it's an hilariously entertaining experience. But I haven't even gotten to the best part of "The Bachelor."

The best part is Jess.

Jess is one of my oldest and dearest friends. I knew her from afar as the girl who was asked to Homecoming by my high school crush, and oh, the heartbreak! But then I actually met her during Driver's Ed, and my jealousy completely dissipated after chatting with her for just a bit.

Because Jess is beautiful in the sweetest way. She is outrageously intelligent, charmingly candid, and genuinely kind. I wore waterproof mascara when she married her lovely husband, and I share bananas with her pooch, G. I can always count on dinner with Jess when she comes to Chicago and phone dates in between those visits. In my book, there are just 2 things that make a good friend: 1 - when I need her, she is there for me, and  2 - I can be my most honest self around her. By these standards, I have a remarkable friend, for whom I am so thankful.

Jess being a fan of "The Bachelor" franchise is just icing on the cake. We text every week, "Have you watched yet?" We rag on the lead and the contestants, noting which men are particularly handsome. We email each other articles about the show. We are very silly and have great fun together every season.

And that is why I flippin' LOVE "The Bachelor."

Much love,

Kavi